25 Things I've Learned in 25 Years of Marriage

Twenty-five years ago today, on May 28th, 1983, Tom and I were married in a beautiful ceremony at the Wayfarer's Chapel in Rancho Palos Verdes California. I remember thinking that I was the luckiest women alive to be marrying this kind, loving, compassionate, and intelligent man who could always make me laugh and who everyone -- absolutely everyone -- liked.

All these years later, I feel exactly the same. He is still the man of my dreams and my heart still beats just a little faster when I see him across a crowded room. I am still -- or perhaps again -- in love with him.

That doesn't mean that the past 25 years have been 100% blissful or without challenges, both big and small. While some years passed effortlessly for us, some years consisted of days and weeks when we simply weren't connected -- and one or two years in particular consisted of month upon month of disconnectedness. But it's May 28th, 2008, twenty-five years later, and we're still together, still connected, and still committed.

And I've learned a few lessons along the way...

25 Things I've Learned in 25 Years of Marriage:

1. Laughter is sometimes more important than conversation.
2. Conversation is sometimes more important than silence.
3. Silence is sometimes more important than righteousness.
4. Kindness is most important when the incentive for it is lowest.
5. Passion may fade, but true intimacy grows in its place.
6. Traveling in the same direction sometimes means staying put.
7. You might want out at some point without even knowing why. Consider staying.
   
8. You might want out at some point, knowing exactly why. Consider staying.
9. Pooling finances emphasizes the meaning of "ours" and "in this together."
10. Hugging and kissing in front of the kids makes them happy.
11. Planting a garden together is good for your relationship.
    
12. "Being nice" is very effective.
13. Good sex is important.
    
14. Unconditional support is sometimes the best thing you can give.
15. A good marriage is a gift to your children's future relationships.
16. Shared interests are important (so is having interests of your own).
17. Good parenting is sexy.
18. Misfortune can be a favor.
19. Trust is much more powerful than jealousy.
20. Playfulness isn't stupid.
21. Winning isn't always winning.
    
22. Dating is hot.
23. Staying angry is difficult when you're laughing.
    
24. The habit that annoyed you in year one will still annoy you in year twenty-five.
25. Early birds and night owls can co-exist.

I made this stepping stone for Tom to symbolize the partnership we've nurtured for the past 25 years and I placed it in the garden we've been nurturing together for the past two years: