An Open Letter to Margaret Crotty, President and CEO, AFS Intercultural Programs

Dear Margaret,

Thanks you for the holiday wishes. I know you would have extended your greeting to each AFS volunteer individually if you could. And, since I have a feeling this greeting doesn't come from your personal e-mail address, I can only hope that you get this!

AFS -- but especially the amazing kids we've met through AFS -- has been an important part of my family's life since late in 2004 when my father, my then 14-year-old twins and I returned from my a visit to mother's native country of Germany just months after she died of ovarian cancer. We returned with the strong desire to welcome a young German girl into our homes, perhaps (I now realize) to, in a very small way, bring a tiny piece of Omi -- or at least of her heritage -- back into our home.

Fueled by our desire to open our home, we called AFS in February of 2005, and requested information about becoming a host parent. Within a day we were sent the bio of Laura, a seemingly wonderful girl from central Germany and within a week, an AFS volunteer came to our home to "seal the deal." From that moment on, our family grew by one. We e-mailed and IM'd Laura regularly and, by the time she arrived in Seattle six months later, we already knew and loved her and she already knew and loved us. The six months before she arrived were, in many ways, as important as the ten months she lived with us and I can only equate that anticipatory time to a pregnancy: you know this person will be a huge part of your life soon, and you can hardly wait to welcome her with a hug. The waiting seems endless, but you are rewarded with the smiling face and long-awaited embrace of this new member of your family. You go home and begin to settle in, knowing that life -- at least for a year, but in actuality, forever -- will not be the same because you will forever be so much richer for this experience.

Needless to say, the year that we had Laura in our home was wonderful, and saying goodbye to her in June was excruciating for all of us. Fortunately, we were able to visit her in Germany this past September and meet her family, who we came to love as much as we loved Laura. And since welcoming Laura into our home for a year, I have been a liaison to two other AFS students, last year to E from Germany and this year to M from Brazil.

For us, the AFS experience was and continues to be full of joy and happiness and we are so grateful to have the opportunity to be part of the organization. But I'm beginning to realize that we might just be the lucky ones, for I know that not all AFS experiences are this happy and I think I might know why.

Whereas we initiated contact with AFS and asked to welcome an international student into our lives, fully aware of the financial, time, and emotional commitment that request entailed, many AFS students are not so lucky as to come to America (or any country) with someone on the other side waiting to greet them with open arms. I can't even imagine being the parent of an AFS student (or certainly the student him or herself) who steps onto a plane bound for an unfamiliar foreign country with absolutely no welcoming family. Whereas we already loved Laura by the time we met her, many students get on that plane with only fear, anticipation, and trust (all healthy emotions) but it's at this point that I feel that many AFS students (and their native families) are betrayed. For some reason that I can't fathom -- and I'm sorry, but I can only assume that it comes down to money -- more than a few students are allowed to come to their new country with no one other than an AFS official to greet them. They are put into a temporary home ( and sometimes multiple temporary homes) which, in many cases, is the home of a person or family that has only relented to continual pleading from AFS to open their home, if only for a week, and has no intention of being any more than a temporary placeholder for this poor, lonely international student who fully deserves (especially for the thousands of dollars their native families pay) to be placed in a waiting, enthusiastic family.

I have seen this repeatedly and it breaks my heart each time. Why can't AFS accept only the number of students for which it has families to wholeheartedly "adopt" them? For two summers in a row, I have been getting desperate e-mails, begging me to consider hosting a student again or to ask my family and friends if they might host a student who "will be arriving in just weeks." While I believe that family and friends is a wonderful way to recruit host families, this isn't a magazine drive or a puppy adoption; this is a very serious commitment that will change a family and require full emotional and financial dedication. By late July, the e-mails I get from AFS reminds me of someone who has a stray puppy to give away and begs someone to take it before it is sent to the pound.

It just shouldn't be this way! Don't you agree?

The solution doesn't seem that complicated to me -- though I'm sure it has financial repercussions that might be unpleasant to AFS. (Yes, I am curious what the many thousands of dollars students pay to go to a foreign country covers, other than insurance, since most AFS staff are volunteers and the host or native families cover almost all other expenses... but that's another letter.) Isn't it possible to MATCH UP STUDENTS WITH HOST FAMILIES WHILE THEY'RE STILL IN THEIR HOME COUNTRY and only finalize travel plans once that match is made? The commitment to take a student into one's home for a year is just as serious as the commitment to travel to another country for a year, and I believe that both should be approached with the same sense of dedication and with a strong emphasis put on a great fit for all. When you accept a student's money and then put them on a plane with no one to welcome them with open arms on the other side, as happened to the boy for who I am currently a liaison, I believe you are performing a disservice for all involved. The student certainly deserves better. Until AFS can find a willing -- no, an enthusiastic -- host family, I don't believe that the student's money should be accepted and I certainly don't believe that s/he should be put on a plane. This might mean that you can accept fewer students, but I believe that that is a justifiable and important trade-off to assure positive experiences for all involved.

I'm sure that there's a business-oriented explanation for why students are accepted for travel without permanent host families to greet them, but I can't for the life of me understand what reason might justify the loneliness and confusion I heard about as the student I'm currently a liaison for described his first few transient, lonely, and confusing months in America. Fortunately, he is now with a committed, loving family, thanks to a girl who was in one of his classes and took him home, begging her parents, "Can we keep him? Pleeeease?"

I know that, for each lonely, confused student who stands on foreign soil awaiting a committed host family, there are many more who have experiences like Laura and we had, and for that I thank you and AFS. But the question regarding pre-travel matching of students with families begs to be asked and I do hope you find the time and the interest to answer it. I know that I am not the only AFS volunteer who worries greatly about this issue.

Warm regards,

Carol