American Teens and Drinking: Should the Legal Drinking Age be Lowered?

Parade magazine's cover story today is entitled "What to Do about Underage Drinking," and asks, should the drinking age be lowered? In light of yesterday's post and last night's family activity, I feel compelled to comment.

Here's what I wrote to Parade magazine -- and what was rejected because it was too long (and probably too rambling and verbose):


We have four kids ages 17 to 23, so this is a topic we deal with quite a bit.

Our biggest issue regarding drinking is SAFETY. My almost-18-year-old twins get no sympathy from me if they spend a Saturday night hanging their heads over a toilet, because that's the price they pay for over-indulging -- which under-agers tend to do because, as my daughter puts it, "you have to chug if you don't want to get caught. We can't ever 'casually sip' like you can because we have to worry about getting caught..."

Scary? You bet!

I believe that the Germans have the right idea: they grow up with a sip of beer here and there, and beer and wine can be legally consumed by teens, so it doesn't carry the glorified (or illegal) status that it has here. The big deal in America, and what contributes significantly to the underage drinking problem seems to be the exact situation that leads to my daughter's statement about "chugging."

I believe that the group Choose Responsibility has the right idea: they promote intensive education and drinking licenses for 18-year-olds, akin to learner’s permits for young drivers. Get caught drinking before 18 or break any of the strict rules after that, and the license is gone. Just as we must teach our kids to drive responsibly, we must also teach our kids to drink responsibly. Both a drink and a car, in the hands of those who haven't learned about safety and responsibility, can cause great harm... especially when used together!

My husband and I might take a "serves you right" attitude about our hung-over teen feeling rotten all day on Sunday, but our rule about NEVER, EVER mixing alcohol with a vehicle is absolutely steadfast. It is our main "law" as parents of older teens and young adults, in fact, and our kids know that if they ever drive drunk or with someone who's drunk at the wheel, that's it. No more license, no more trust, no more "liberal parenting." It's a huge price to pay for them, especially since they've heard all their lives that, as parents, our "default setting" is trust; we trust them completely and totally until and unless they give us reason not to.

Communication is essential. We know our kids drink on occasion, and we talk about it often as a family. Just say no doesn't work -- regarding drugs OR alcohol. But "let's talk about last night," when done without repercussion and blame, and instead with a strong communicative connection and words of wisdom, can work. I'm not crazy about what I hear sometimes, but our kids certainly feel free to share their experiences as well as their feelings about alcohol with us -- and their sentences do often end with, "No Mom, no one got near a car..."

Many of our kids' friends, especially those with "if-I-ever-catch-you..." parents, keep their drinking a secret, and as a consequence they sometimes end up driving home drunk to meet a curfew. Sends shivers up my spine.

Last weeks family activity was going to a Seattle Sounders game. This week's activity was going to the home brew store, buying materials to make our own home brew, and spending the evening doing just that -- parents and young adult (17 - 23) kids, together. (And guess what? Buying all the materials to make beer is totally legal at any age!) We'll sip the beer we made together, probably at a big family dinner in a couple of months (because that's how long it takes the beer to do whatever it has to do).

And another rule: This is OUR beer to share among our family in our home. No sharing with underage friends allowed -- which is motivated partly by greed and partly to cover ourselves legally.

So far, this trust, communication and openness about drinking has worked for us. Our kids are all successful students and professionals who are learning to drink responsibly and are very open with us about the process. And unless we're convinced that our approach is any more dangerous or stupid or naive than the alternative, we'll just keep listening, keep talking and keep hoping that teens will be encouraged to learn to drink responsibly instead of "chugging so as not to get caught."