Depletion and (Partial) Regeneration

For the first time in months, I let a day go by without blogging. I simply felt depleted and couldn't even express a half-baked thought. I had plenty of them, but they were along the lines of job fe-ric (that's a cross between fear and panic), motorcycle en-ger (that's a cross between envy and anger), and a strong desire to throw up my hands, turn in any contract in which I obligated myself of anything at all, ever -- tangible or not -- and head out of town (and state... and country). Escapist? Damn right.

I spent yesterday at the local Work Source office, attending two workshops. One was a "true colors" workshop, in which we explored our natural personalities, motivations and career styles. Not surprisingly, I am a "blue." That means that I "seek to express the inner me. I value authenticity and honesty above all else. I enjoy close relationships with those I love (the fact that some of them are green makes it difficult, though!) and possess a strong spirituality in my nature. Making a difference in the world is (apparently) easy for me because I cultivate the potential in myself and others. I am sensitive to subtlety and -- with great flair -- create roles in life's drama." Yeah -- pretty spot-on. The problem is that, although people like working for blues because they're empathetic and supportive bosses, "coming down hard on someone" doesn't come easily to us blues, so those who manage US can get frustrated with our more gentle and touchy-feely approach. I found that to be an issue yesterday as I explored the type of work that I'm apparently best at: teaching, social work, nursing, coach, zookeeper (zookeeper?!). Interesting that Technology Teacher and School Media Specialist were on the list (because they deal directly with kids and teaching), but media and content developer weren't... probably because they work in isolation from their end-audience. Every job that I came across that I thought I'd love had a salary level that was nowhere near high enough. The mantra of you have three more kids to put through college didn't leave me all day, and by evening I felt like what I want to do and what I need to do are worlds apart.

I woke up at 4 AM, remembering that I'd half-applied for a job as a Director of Product Development for a health education non-profit (long, detailed, essay-based application process) and then let it go, thinking I didn't have the right qualifications. I decided that, at this point, I can't let anything slip by me, so I got up and started back in on the essay, barely looking up from my laptop for the next four and a half hours. At 8:30, I submitted the application and within a minute I was on the phone with the spa, asking if by any chance at all they had an opening for a message today. My neck muscles were almost seizing at this point! Lo and behold, they had an available appointment in 15 minutes! I took it! It was absolutely glorious and SO needed! (Thanks to my daddy, whose 50th birthday gift certificate I'm still using.)

And now I'm almost late for an "advanced resume" class at the Work Source office. Let's see if I canfinally focus all my varied experience and passions (though I question that today) into one concise statement. That is the next challenge of the day.