Still Working (But No Commute Today!)

So Bailey and I settled in to get some work done early (toooo early!) this morning, cozy on the couch with good music, a fluffy down throw, a cup of coffee, and my yummy new robe. Well, we (we... ha!) did both work and play -- I'm still trying to figure out iPhoto, and how to organize my 11,000+ photos.

I'm waking up at 4 and 5 AM these days -- even on weekends -- partly because my body is now accustomed to waking up at that time, and partly because my mind is continuously going a mile a minute. One of these days I'll relax into this job, but right now I still have a to-do list a mile long and I'm still trying to prove myself... and constantly afraid that I'm coming up short.

The learning curve for this position has been incredibly steep AND I'm working with (and hiring) brilliance, so there's lots of room for insecurity. I'm heartened when I think back on some of the most successful people I've known in my career reminding me that they're constantly worried that they'll be "found out" -- that they actually don't know everything that everyone thinks they know! I think that a little insecurity is good because it wards off the cockiness that I can't stand -- the "I know everything, but you're just a learner" attitude. I never want to manage with that attitude. I think one of the reasons that D was such a great manager is because she started years ago at the bottom of the ladder and worked her way up -- so she always remembers what it's like to be "the worker," and I think her heartfelt regular positive feedback and explicit appreciation came from that perspective. I still crave a "good job" now and then and I constantly wonder if I'm meeting expectations. I must remember that as I manage others. The need for positive feedback from higher-ups never goes away, no matter how "high-up" one goes.