I have to learn so much, so fast... about this company, this project, our funder, and about massive amounts of technology (including many new applications and an entirely new operating system). My energized enthusiasm has disintegrated (for today, anyway) into self-doubt and frustration. I am surrounded by brilliance and I feel like I can't keep up. I'm expected to know things that I have no way of knowing, or to just "feel" the right way to do things -- whether it's downloading programs onto a Mac (NOT intuitive, in my opinion!) or the procedure for electronically approving, signing, and submitting invoices.
I can lead and mentor teams better than I can install a new printer. I can oversee and maintain budgets and schedules better than I can convert a paper document into a PDF. And I can be a good team leader better than I can select a shredder (OK, that was easy). Because there are only three of us now, we're all of course expected to pitch in until we get the other nine people hired (back-to-back interviews next week, every day , all day!), and I'm absolutely fine with that. I just feel like I'm not pulling my own weight because the emphasis now isn't on the tasks that require my skills as much as on tasks that actually get us up and running -- and fortunately those more technical things are what my cohorts do well. I just hope that my boss isn't wondering whether he made the right decision in hiring me!
I'll feel more confident about all this in time, I'm sure. I'm just not feeling all that confident about it right now.
Don't be so hard on yourself! It sounds like you've hit the ground running! You are so enthusiastic and your boss is probably very happy to have someone around who's interested and willing to go the extra mile!
ReplyDeleteHang in there!
You just said it yourself... "because the emphasis now isn't on the tasks that require my skills..."
ReplyDeleteThat is now, and only for now. You will be up and running soon, your skill set will come to the fore and your co-workers will sit back and wonder how do you do the things that they can't handle so well.
In the meantime, it's a learning experience, so let them know you're not a tech whiz but are willing to learn. I'm sure they are willing to help.