Tuesday, January 30, 2007
The Work/Play Balance.
Here is our entire current staff, two of whom celebrated a birthday yesterday! I had decorated the office for them and we shot this photo just before taking down some of the decorations. By next week at this time there will be five of us, and by the next week there will likely be six or more... so these relatively quiet days are numbered.
For lunch today, I joined some ex-cohorts, all of who now work downtown, for a Thai lunch. There are a few more "downtown people" who couldn't make it today, so we're gonna try to get together for lunch once a month or so and reminisce about the good ol' days before our beloved former organization began sinking into the depths of non-profit direction-less oblivion.
After work I met my former boss/current dear friend for a drink since she couldn't make it to lunch. She's the new CEO for a local web-based company and she's as overwhelmed as I am with the new respnsibilities. Even though she's no longer my boss, I think she'll always be my mentor and friend. And damn -- I forgot to get a picture of us with our glass of wine and "lemondrop" cocktail! That would have been fun! Oh well... next time.
I'm still posting blog entires on my PC laptop (although I am "becoming assimilated" to the Mac, as my co-workers predicted I would), because I haven't had time to really figure out iPhoto yet. This weekend I must remember to explore that program!
Off to bed. Eyes are closing...
Monday, January 29, 2007
Breathing
I was the only one in my office who DIDN'T celebrate a birthday today! Yup, both my co-workers share a birthday today, though they're three years apart. Eva and I drove into Seattle yesterday and decorated the office, so both were greeted by plenty of birthday hoopla. And as it turns out (because my boss' friend had to cancel a b-day dinner celebration and E and I had decided to get together after her weekend in LA), my boss, my daughter and I went to Buca di Beppo's for dinner tonight and had an absolutely wonderful time! Those two are WAAAAY alike -- which is quite entertaining for me! My boss already feels like a great friend and I really enjoy his company, his mentoring and his support. Plus, he's hilarious and keeps me laughing!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Three Seasons in One!
I encountered this leaf early this morning as I walked up the steep hill to Eva's house to pick her up for breakfast. I was walking because the road was icy and after a winter like ours, I didn't want to chance damage to the car. Ice crystals were clinging to the leaf which had persistently stuck around since fall, yet the sun was shining on it as well. It was a very cool sight -- sort of fall, winter and spring all wrapped into one!
And Now I Can't Slow Down!
Fortunately, the timing is good as far as the family is concerned. Elisabeth is concentrating on her career too, though she lives only 3 miles from my office, so we have plenty of opportunity to get together. Peter and Danelle are really busy with school and only come around (usually for dinner) once or twice a week. And Aleks and Kat each found someone special in the past faw months and are both completely twitterpated, so they've hardly noticed my increased absense. And Tom... well, we've actually had what seems like more time together -- possibly because we've often been meeting for dinner after work. Maybe all this will make the transition to empty-nest a bit easier...
I have felt guilty that I haven't had a chance to see Eva, the German foreign exchange student for who I'm a liaison, since Christmas. So tomorrow I'll take her out for breakfast and we'll have a chance to catch up on events. She's a hoot! And tomorrow afternoon I need to make reservations for Aleks' trip to both Germany this summer and to Washington DC to visit colleges this srping. And Kat wants to go on a California college hunting trip. I'll find a way to make it all happen. Not sure how, but I will.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
New Artwork
The view helps a lot, but I wanted to instill a separate mood as well. I found these watercolor prints last night and fell in love with them!
Tom reminded me that I don't even like boats... which is actually not the case. I don't like boats with MOTORS in them. Motors that can crack and break and cost a fortune to repair! But I love peaceful, QUIET boats!
(Yes, our boat is still for sale, and we'll start advertising it again once the temperature surpasses 45 degrees and the sun is more than a fleeting and momentary visitor...)
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Sunrise from my Office
Monday, January 22, 2007
Death: The Brain vs The Mind
Here's what I wrote in my journal as I sat at the foot of Mom's bed on that Wednesday in April, 2004:
4/8/04 12:30 PM
Incredible. You absolutely insisted on having everything OFF – catheter, diaper, nightgown, even blankets. Everything! For a while, we couldn't’t figure it out, but it became apparent that you were determined to lie flat on the bed, in the light shining from the skylight, stark naked.
Then you shared where you are with us:
“It’s peaceful.”
Almost singing: “Where I’m gooooing!”
Helicopter (Hawaii? Alaska? Dad knew and he and Mom agreed…)
“Elisabeth ferien” (about their trip to Germany when Elisabeth was 13! This one made me sob, and I told Omi that Elisabeth is sooo much like her, it means I get to KEEP Omi through Elisabeth. She grimaced and “sobbed,” without a sound, a tear running down her cheek…)
“A lake”
“Floating in there.”
“She’ll be there.”
“Will (we’ll?) be ready.”
“_____ (name?) will be there.”
“I want to geh.” (Trying to get up and go with entire body… legs in cycling or hiking motion.)
And then, she did something she hadn’t done in two days: she opened her eyes and focused – on Dad – and said to him, clear as a bell, “Can you carry me over?”
For days before this happened, Mom couldn't speak or communicate. Then suddenly, and for only a few moments, she completely connected with us, sharing where she was in her journey to "the other side." It was a gift from her to us -- one that obviously took hard work and commitment. I still can't explain what happened, but it will always feel magical to me.
Tonight I read this in TIME magazine's feature on the human brain. I can hardly describe my excitement – yes, excitement! – at reading this. So someone else had experienced a loved one very close to death suddenly “coming back from the edge” to bid farewell to loved ones! And this doctor could confirm that David’s brain had been overtaken with cancer! He absolutely should not have been able to speak coherently to his family – at yet he did! According to Scott Haig, the doctor who wrote that article, David’s MIND took over his diseased brain, and it was his MIND that formed the words and the connections, not his brain.
Absolutely fascinating! If I hadn’t experienced something so similar, I’d be wondering too. And actually, I AM wondering! But in a way, I also love the mystery of it!
As one Hospice worker said when I explained Mom’s sudden and momentary clarity, “No one can really explain it all… some people who expect Jesus to come for them in purple velvet robes seem pretty surprised when it doesn’t happen that way. And some people who expect just to fade away and become dirt are pretty surprised when it doesn’t happen that way either!"
Some people might think this picture is a bit morbid, but I think it’s beautiful. This is Mom and me on that day when she shared her journey with us, just hours before she became “just a shell” and days before her body died.
I didn't sleep well the week that Mom died, so I'm not sure if this was a dream or more of a thought... but I remember wanting to pin a picture of Mom in her younger, more beautiful years, to her nightgown so the people at the mortuary could see who she was before cancer stole her vibrancy. The idea surely came from my kindergarten teacher pinning important notes to our clothes so parents would be sure to see them.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
I Miss My PC!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Totally Frustrating Day(s)
I can lead and mentor teams better than I can install a new printer. I can oversee and maintain budgets and schedules better than I can convert a paper document into a PDF. And I can be a good team leader better than I can select a shredder (OK, that was easy). Because there are only three of us now, we're all of course expected to pitch in until we get the other nine people hired (back-to-back interviews next week, every day , all day!), and I'm absolutely fine with that. I just feel like I'm not pulling my own weight because the emphasis now isn't on the tasks that require my skills as much as on tasks that actually get us up and running -- and fortunately those more technical things are what my cohorts do well. I just hope that my boss isn't wondering whether he made the right decision in hiring me!
I'll feel more confident about all this in time, I'm sure. I'm just not feeling all that confident about it right now.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Then and Now
Elisabeth then
Elisabeth now(ish)
Peter then
Peter now(ish)
Aleks and Kat then (yes, we have pictures each of them alone, but I so love the ones of them together!)
Aleks
and Kat now
We had four children within five and a half years. At one point, we had three in diapers, two nursing, one still using a bottle, three with pacifiers, and all four at home with me all day. I have never worked that hard (nor will I ever again, no matter how demanding my job career), nor have I ever felt that fulfilled. During those years, I barely ever got a moment to myself... and yet I was well aware how lucky we were to have four active, bright, loving children and I will always look at those years as the happiest of my life.
These days, with Elisabeth on her own, Peter and Danelle basically living together, and Kat and Aleks each with jobs and busy social lives, I never know who will home in the evenings. Sometimes all seven of us miraculously end up at home for dinner together and sometimes it's just Tom and me -- and I rarely have any advance notice as to who will be home and who won't... which makes dinner time around here quite interesting! (When I do cook -- only a few times a week these days -- it's usually easily expandable as well as easily "leftover-able!)
I know that I could never have a career and a job like I do now if I still had four small kids at home, and I'm grateful that I was able to come back to my career after seven years at home with kids. But I'd never have done it any differently. I simply couldn't have worked when the kids were very small, and I'm so glad I didn't. No matter how much I love my career now (and I do), I wouldn't have traded those years at home for anything in the world. Those years define who I am to the core; these years define where I am in the timeline of my life.
In less than two years we'll be empty nesters. Now THERE'S a scary thought!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Cool New Toy!
Is it possible that I actually have some geekiness in me after all?!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
OK, This is Just Getting OLD!
Tomorrow we definitely need to head in to the office though, because we have meetings all day with our content developers and the Gates Foundation. I should sharpen my skates (and leave home at midnight) because it might be the only way to get there after tonight's freeze!
I'm ready for Spring -- even a typical Seattle Spring, which consists of (simply) rain, clouds and fog.
Monday, January 15, 2007
My Favorite Christmas Gift
The letters are mostly from my grandmother to her mother (which begin in 1905, when my grandmother was just 12), but the books also include other letters, most notably those written by my grandfather after my grandmother's death from a brain tumor in 1944 when my father was just 13. The final letters at the end of the war reflect the desperation that gripped everyone in Germany during that time, but especially Jews -- even those who had been raised as Christians, like my grandfather.
The early letters describe happy family vacations, an idyllic home life with abundant household help, frequent parties and all the comforts of life in a normal, happy German family. Some letters describe the confusion my grandmother felt as she attempted to keep life as normal as possible, even as my grandfather's status as a Jew became more and more of an issue. The last letters were from my always-orderly and conscientious grandfather (a trait my father definitely inherited!) to my father and uncle and were written during the desperate months at the end of the war, months during which all households housed many, many refugee families, letters written during a time when food, electricity and transportation were scarce to non-existent, and letters written full of hope just days before my grandfather's death in March, 1945.
I am riveted by what I'm reading, not only because it gives me a glimpse into my father as a child (his mother even describes his birth in a letter to her mother!) and into the very strong and loving family in which he was raised (which, I believe, is why he and his siblings remained loving, positive, and well-balanced in the ensuing years, even after losing both parents when they were just children), but I'm riveted also because it provides a detailed chronology of the devastating effect World War II had on one family in Germany.
And now, back to reading!
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
All Work and All Play
(Written from the plane, returning to still-snowy and icy Seattle.)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
From Snowy Seattle to Sunny Santa Cruz
Here's a picture chronology of the day (does posting this sort of blog entry count as a call home?):
Snow at our house -- again!
Mt. Rainier in the background; SeaTac Airport in the foreground.
The Golden Gate Bridge, with Tiberon, Angel Island and Alcatraz in the Bay.
San Francisco and the Bay Bridge.
Stanford University, my alma mater.
Beautiful Santa Cruz (the dots are surfers... waiting).
Santa Cruz Lighthouse -- er, I mean the Santa Cruz Museum of Surfing.
Santa Cruz Boardwalk
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Helllloooooo Out Therrrrrrrre!
Believe it or not, I live for comments on my blog. OK, that's not entirely true, but it does kind of make my day when people leave me feedback, comments, questions, requests for used sweaters (you know who you are... one of my favorite readers!) , and sometimes even recipes!
So be bold! Introduce yourself! Who are you and what brings you to my humble blog? Don't be shy; I'd love to "meet" you! And if I already know you, oly-oly-oxen-free!
Deja Snow!
Tom didn't even attempt to drive home from work tonight. Instead, he left his truck in the parking lot and just started walking home -- about a 7 mile trek! And that's where he is as I write this. I expect him home in maybe an hour or two -- and he'll probably be freezing cold because, as far as I remember, he was wearing only a fleece vest over his work shirt!
The Pacific Northwest has just been battered this winter like never before! Between the ice storm in late November, the wind storm in December, and now this in January, one can hardly argue that global warming is having an impact! Usually Seattlites are thrilled by that one fun nowstorm per year -- school is cancelled, kids go sledding, and everyone's happy. But this winter things are very different. It seems that we're just constantly being pummeled by the weather!
So I'm off to pack for California, where the weather is unfortunately not sunny and glorious... but not snowy and freezing cold, either. Let's just hope I actually arrive tomorrow and don't encounter another airline/airport fiasco!
A Biz Trip -- I Actually Missed Those!
My schedule on Friday is jam-packed with meetings, from early morning till late afternoon, and I have a feeling I'll be exhausted when I'm done. I've definitely been going through a major case of information overload in the last two weeks!
On Saturday, I'll get to play with my three adorable nieces and visit with my brother and sister-in-law, who will be seeing more of me in the future, since they live just a stones throw from the company's headquarters! You KNOW I'll be posting pictures of and writing about adventures with these hilarious girls, ages 9, 7 and 4.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
What Not to Wear: Home Edition!
- "The universe goes on forever and comes out the other end. That's how bad this shirt is, Dad. It's so bad that it's almost becoming cool again!"
- "Dad, this jacket has a strap that you actually tighten around your waist. Women did that in the 80's! Give it to some nice, deserving woman!"
- "This one has got to go. Little kids who carry lunchboxes with Fruit Snacks in them wear Lands' End!"
- "It's not just 80's woman, it's pregnant 80's woman! Get it out of here!"
- "It's flannel. Remember, we talked about flannel."
- So what if it's a London Fog! If you're in London, in the fog, maybe you can wear it then. Probably not."
- "Don't you feel like a pedophile, Dad? You married a woman with THIS in her closet!"
- "Do you have a jumper to go with this blouse? A pink lunchbox? Hair ribbons?"
- "Dad, take Mom on a safari. She has the perfect wardrobe for getting lost in an African jungle!"
Monday, January 08, 2007
So... this new job
As a document released by the Gates Foundation attests, the impact of a stronger educational foundation is "larger than securing economic and civic health; by building upon young people's intellectual assets and critical thinking skills, we can significantly reduce their risk for violence, drug abuse, unintended pregnancy and HIV/AIDS, which has reached a state of emergency among under0served populations."
Obviously, my day-to-day responsibilities don't address the specific health concerns listed above (though my work with my previous employer did), and my current focus is only on education reform. But I'm hopeful that I am, in some small way, making a difference. I don't think I could ever again work in a job in which I don't do something that makes a difference -- which my recent stint at Microsoft proved!
(The interview for this job was referred to in this post.)
Sunday, January 07, 2007
The Sound/Memory Connection
Mom loved nuts, especially almonds and hazelnuts, and any chance she'd get she'd sit at the kitchen table and crack nut after nut. The sequence of sounds was completely predictable: rustling through the bowl for the right nut, cracking the nut with one solid CRACK, placing the nutcracker on the table, digging the meat of the nut out of the shell, and chewing the crunchy reward... to be repeated over and over again, providing a steady cadence to conversation or background music (always classical), or sometimes as a solo.
As Tom came into the kitchen while I was cracking a nut, I asked him if the sound reminded him of my mother. "Nope," he said, "It reminds me of cracking nuts for Christmas cookies with my mother." And then he recited a memory of his mother that for him must be as vivid as my own memories of my mother.
Interesting stuff, that sensory-memory connection!
(Side note: The bowl in the photo is the result of my one and only attempt at glassblowing!)
Saturday, January 06, 2007
My LEAST Favorite Part of the Holidays
Thursday, January 04, 2007
If I See One More Resume Today...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
My New Office
And in the other direction (the beautiful new Gates Foundation complex -- to be finished in '09 or '10! -- will be in the foreground):
Unfortunately, I have massive amounts of work to do before tomorrow. I promise to post more substance this weekend (while Tom and Peter remove the tree from the hot tub!).