When your Microsoft office (lower case "o") needs vacuuming

EVERYTHING is automated at Microsoft! Everything! If you want your office vacuumed, you don't assume it'll be done automatically, nor do you talk to a real live custodian. (Talk to someone? Like, real life communication?! Heaven forbid!!) Noooooo -- you type in some fancy-schmancy intranet code that takes you to the -- da-da-dum! -- "Facilities Service Desk" website. Once there, you navigate through a whole slew of drop-down menus. What kind of vacuuming would you like? Wall-to-wall? Spot? Wet? Is there any biological waste (barf? poop?) to be vacuumed? Do you need this done in the next (drop-down) 2 hours... day... 2 days...?

Geeeeeze! I just want my frickin' office vacuumed! You know, sucking machine... back and forth? How the hell does one make vacuuming a high-tech, interactive, intranet event? Leave it to Microsoft. @@

Shortly after e-mailing my "please vacuum my office" request, I received this:


Work Order Receipt Notice

To: S, Carol

Service Class: Vacuuming

Problem Code: Vacuum Space

Hello Carol S:

Our records indicate that your service request # 12863054 was submitted on 9/13/2006 for ' 116, Office, XXXX, Vacuum Space'.

Your Service Request has been received. It has been assigned the appropriate level and will be routed for timely completion. Should you need to cancel, change or provide us additional information regarding this Service Request, please email XXX@grubb-ellis.com or call xxx000 (for Puget Sound, Las Colinas, Fargo, Silicon Valley and Charlotte) or 1-888-xxx-2362 (for all other locations).You can enter a new Facilities request at http://msservice/default.asp You can view the status of of all current and past Service Requests at http://csitcommon/find/default.htm

Thank you,

Microsoft Facilities Service Desk


And, while we're on the subject... I was headed to the cafeteria to have lunch today and ended up directly behind a group of three guys at the entry door. Knowing the rule about "piggy-backing" (don't do it, but if you must, show your card key to those letting you in), I flashed my card key to the guy. He actually stopped and said to me in a stern voice (reminded me of Mr. Ventor, my elementary school principal), "Can I actually see that?" "Sure!" I replied with a friendly smile (it's my defiant activism -- piss 'em off by being friendly and social; it's like Krytonite for them...), and I held my card key very still in front of his eyes. He looked at me, looked at my picture on the card key, and looked at me again, finally proclaiming "OK." I was free to get my lunch. I felt like a child who had just shoplifted or snuck into a movie.

I mean really -- what did Mr. Microsoft Security think I was gonna do, steal a falafel or something?!